‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except for one spouse
She’d hung up the fur-lined, white stockings with care,
and wished that her ex hadn’t said he’d be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
With visions of more faithful dads in their heads;
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.
When, what to her wondering eyes should appear,
But a bright red Toyota, big bow on its rear,
With a happy ex husband, so lively and quick,
She knew in a moment he’d met some new chick.
He was dressed all in gold, from his neck to his shoes,
And his hair was all greased back with hair gel like glue;
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes—still like chocolate! His smile—still a charm!
His mouth still had lips that could set off alarms!
He still had his ten-pounder, massive pot belly,
That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.
He was middle aged, charming, so not like himself,
And she laughed when she saw him, in spite of herself;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave her to know she had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk.
He sprang to his phone, gave his new chick a call,
And away he flew like the belle of the ball.
Did he hear her exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,
“Thank God for Natasha, a great friend alright.
Now who can I beg to seduce him next year?
Who cares, let it empty his wallet with cheer?”
This Christmas she laughs at her heretofore plight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”